Increasingly having quality conversation seems to be difficult. Of course, to some extend it always has been and always will be. To really converse and encounter someone else is a mysteriously subversive act. I think it’s an act of faith.
The word “converse” come from Latin (converte) via French (converser). In Latin “con-” means with. The most basic meaning of the verb verto, vertere, verti, versum is “to turn.”
In Latin just as in English the verb to turn is often used to describe change, and so we have derivatives in English such as verse, versatile, and conversion.
A simpler way to think about the root of conversation, however, is to keep the meaning to turn, i.e. to turn together, to turn to one another, to face one another. That’s what people do when they converse.
-Merriam Webster Entry
Just today I’ve had supposed conversation by email, phone, text and in person. It’s only with another person that I physically had to turn towards him, to listen, speak, see and be present. During the other conversation I was multitasking, or in the middle of doing something else when my device binged. It was less a turning towards someone else, to be with them, a change in my action and presence, and more of a quick response to an interruption of what I was already doing. How often do we view social interaction that way in our quotidian days?
The recent book Reclaiming Conversation, has this challenge of modern techno-saturated life as its thesis.
These days, attention is in shorty supply – in college classrooms, its scarcity poses special problems because, after all, so much money, time and effort has been spent to bring together these students, this professor, these educational resources. And yet here, like everywhere, if we have a deice in our hands, we want to multitask.
But in this, we pursue an illusion. When we think we are multitasking, our brains are actually moving quickly from one thing to the next, and our performance degrades for each new task we add to the mix. Multitasking gives us a neurochemical high so we think we are doing better and better when actually we are doing worse and worse. We’ve seen that not only do multitasks have trouble deciding how to organize their time, but over time, they ‘fogey’ how to read human emotions. Students – for example, my students – think that texting during class does not interrupt their understanding of class conversation, but they are wrong. The myth of multitasking is just that: a myth.
Sherry Turkle, p. 213.
Curiously most of us take face-to-face conversations for granted. They’re time-intensive in a time scarce schedule. They seem inefficient. But we also take the air we breathe, or the water we drink, for granted. Yet without them we die.
Christmas is an essential part of the unfolding story of Judeo-Christian faith which is best understood quite possibly through the image of conversation. Think of Genesis 1 – the story of creation – God speaks everything into being, inviting life to become – not just to be – but to be in conversation. John starts his gospel in a similar vein, reinterpreting this Genesis foundation through language about Jesus who is God’s living conversation with us – turning us around, inviting us to turn around and see, experience and encounter each other face to face.
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through him, and without him not one thing came into being. What has come into being in him was life, and the life was the light of all people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it. – John 1:1-5
And so in this second day of Advent, when we have heard a word of Hope, we are invited to respond, to con-verse with God, the promise of Christ’s love and return, the potential of faith, the purpose of human community. It’s not just polite. It’s not simply politically correct. It’s not about tolerance of another person or culture. Conversing with someone else, having a real conversation is an act of faith, a participation in the unfolding drama of creation, a hastening of the parousia that will bring about the perfecting wholeness of the universe.
In this week as life “returns” to the post Thanksgiving holiday schedule and the urgency of preparations for December may start to surface, I challenge you to take the time and presence to have at least one real conversation with someone else. It doesn’t have to be about spiritual materials or subjects. But know that it’s a spiritual act. Don’t multitask. Put your device away. Leave it in your pocket or your car. Be presence fully and functionally with that person, turning towards them from across the dinner table, besides them around a café table, or from the barstool next to them.
If you need some help try out this conversation starter website for ideas.